birthday photo shoot red dress New York City

I used to think nearing your 30s meant you’d have your life together.

Living in your dream apartment, paying the bills, building your own empire, being financially stable, traveling the world, having the best group of girlfriends, being in *the* relationship… living in your dream city.

But that portrayal of “adulthood” isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Especially in a place like New York City.

red dress photoshoot birthday New York City

At the age of 28, I’ve realized that it isn’t the place, the possessions, the fame, or the money that deem you as “put together,” “successful,” as others would say.

It’s the solidified relationships — with yourself, your industry, close friends, family, clients, this online community, and God — where I’ve found the most valuable wisdom, treasures, and cherished memories in my adulthood… so far.

And the beauty of building these relationships is that it’s similar to aging… it only gets better. ❤️

Even though there is so much still to learn, I thought I’d share 28 lessons that have brought me to where I currently am.

1. Never stop learning because life never stops teaching.

The beauty of life is that we’re constantly learning and we’re constantly evolving. There isn’t ever a moment when I’m growing my social media agency where I feel like I’ve learned it all. I most certainly have not, and want to keep learning more and more on how I can be a better digital storyteller.

2. It’s what you do, not what you say you will do.

It doesn’t matter how many times you say you’ll do something if you don’t actually follow through with it. You start to lose trust in the people who claim they’ll do things instead of executing with action. And what good is a relationship if trust is lost?

3. Kindness is a never-ending currency.

Being kind is literally a choice. Living in a place like New York City, the people here are not easy to navigate. You’ll find angry, rude, and bitter people everywhere you go — from the streets to the subways — but you never know that one little act of kindness can change someone’s entire day.

4. You are not for everyone… and that’s okay.

You know, sometimes we just need to hear it again, okay? Our hearts try to comfort us and tell us that but our brains are just wired differently sometimes, and it takes a little more than convincing. Trying to people-please literally gets you nowhere. You aren’t for everyone because you can’t be for everyone. We are humans. We’re multi-faceted people who value and like / dislike many things. Period.

5. You cannot change people.

That is out of your control. But you know what is in your control? Your attitude. Your actions. And even if you can’t change people, you can most certainly change your perspective on what it is that’s stirring this conflicted behavior inside of you. You have to let people change on their own. And then live by the example you want to set.

6. Your worth is not defined by the scale or how you look in the mirror.

It took 8 dark and hard years to come to terms with what I struggled with. An eating disorder. A secret obsession that gave me happiness and made me miserable at the same time. What stemmed in high school worsened all throughout college and into the beginning years of living in New York City. Starting in the fashion industry made it incredibly difficult to see my worth as anything different than the numbers on the scale. The thoughts never truly go away, but I can say this — it does get better in time. And I’m still learning to battle my demons — that sneaky little voice that tries to pry its way back into my head — but then you remember how far you’ve progressed and how beautiful that progress has been. Relapses and all. And you continue to fight because you are in control now — and you are worth fighting for.

7. Be more responsive than reactive.

A really bad habit of mine is this very one right here. I’m super quick to react to a situation and then later realize that I should’ve spent some time thinking out what to say first. There are so many occasions where we say things we don’t mean and then regret them later on. But why even go through that regret when we can stop the reaction in the first place?

8. Your current habits define who you are.

If you observe the things you do on a daily basis, the things you prioritize, and the things you procrastinate on, then you’ll see what kind of person you truly are. We don’t realize it, but our routines really do have a say into who we are as a person. It shows our personality, our character, and what we value as important, based on our habits.

9. Older doesn’t necessarily mean more mature.

The more people I speak to on a daily basis while working in social media, the more I realize that age really is just a number. Being older doesn’t necessarily mean that person is more mature. In fact, some of the most mature people I’ve met are actually younger. Moral of the story? Don’t judge a book by its cover.

10. Ambition is useless without action.

You might have all the goals and ambition in the world to make something happen, but if you don’t execute on it… nothing will. Let your work do the talking.

11. Don’t make moves without praying for it first.

Everything that has brought me to this moment — with my relationships, career, and lifestyle — is all because of God. There is so much power in prayer. I can’t emphasize it enough. We can make all the plans, but God already has his steps. I’ve found that praying for anything I do next — whether it’s taking on a new client or meeting a new friend — has only given more clarity and guidance. His plans > my plans.

12. Share your progress, not just your goals.

I’ve found this so helpful, not just within my online community, but also for myself. Watching the progress unfold, especially for training, has allowed me to connect better with others. There’s also something to be said about sharing the progress of something and going through the motions, instead of just fixating on the outcome.

red dress birthday photoshoot New York City

13. Storytelling is a superpower. So is writing.

It’s one of the biggest reasons why I love what I do. Being able to help others share their story through video and photo strategy is what I consider a ‘dream job.’ I’ve been passionate about writing ever since I was a child, and I’ve found that it’s one of the most valuable skills to have in this day and age.

14. Being disciplined trains the mind.

Does anyone else secretly love being disciplined? It must be a perfectionist thing. I get so much satisfaction from waking up earlier than the norm to knock out a run or workout at the gym. I’ve found that the discipline to exercise carries over into not just training my body, but also the mind.

15. Let go of people who aren’t happy for you.

They say that the people who aren’t happy with their lives, tend to be envious of others. The unhappiness is not about you, but about them. There’s always some sort of expansion to this year by year, but long story short: don’t waste your time and energy on people who don’t want the best for you.

16. Using the word ‘yet’ in your sentences can open up so many possibilities for you.

I’ve tackled so many fears in 2022. And it’s because of this one little mindset shift of finishing the things I want to go after with the word, ‘yet.’ There’s so much power in that one word. An entire sentence can change based on that word alone. When you start to use ‘yet’ in every opportunity that comes your way, you’ll realize just how many possibilities lie before you.

17. You can’t be everything to everyone.

18. You also can’t do everything.

I think this one speaks for itself.

19. Life will continue to throw you curveballs. Keep swinging.

And the worst part? You have no idea when they’re even coming. We can make all the plans we want and coordinate this and time that, but life does not always go according to plan. Therefore, it’s best to adjust and keep swinging, even if we miss, because you never know when you will hit that home run.

20. Happiness does not come from self-gratification, it comes from self-sacrifice.

21. Help others, even if they don’t help you.

The older I get, the more I realize that I’m happier when I’m helping others. The joy it brings me when I’m assisting a blind person walk to safety on the streets of New York City. Or the joy that it brings me when I’m helping a tourist find their way around the subway system. Or the joy that it brings me when I see an elderly person struggling to carry a heavy suitcase up the subway steps, and I offer to carry it for them instead. There is this heartfelt feeling when I see them smile with appreciative eyes. The more I experience this, the more I want to keep serving. Keep putting others first. You will never be truly happy when it’s always about you.

22. Mark your calendar for goals that absolutely scare you.

I spoke of this on my current podcast series, Dear Diary: Ep. 93.

"You recognize there’s power in fearing something and that you can choose to control whether fear wins or you win. I know it’s not easy — in fact, every time I do this, I find days where I can’t sit still because of how scared I am for that specific date. But there’s also something so exhilarating about going for it. Knowing that that fear, the thing that scares you, doesn’t control you."

23. If you do not pick a day to relax, then your body will pick it for you.

When I didn’t prioritize my mental health or boundaries early on while building this agency, my body got creative in finding ways to remind me of this very fact. And man, it was not fun.

24. You actually have to prioritize time.

Time is such a precious thing that we tend to overlook. I can’t even tell you how many times I looked at the clock on a workday wondering what happened to the time and how it managed to slip away so quickly… I’ve found that I actually had to set aside time… for time. Who knew entering adulthood would be this complicated?

25. Listen to others, even if you don’t agree with them.

One of the hardest things, I’ll tell you. One of the things I love about working in the social media space is the different types of people you’ll encounter on a day-to-day basis. There will be plenty of vocal people who aren’t afraid to speak their mind. Sometimes on topics that you don’t necessarily agree with. But.. what I’ve learned through experience is that most situations are caused because people just mainly want to be heard. They want someone to listen to them and hear them out. And it’s important to do just that. Lend a listening ear… even if you don’t agree with them.

26. Integrity can take a lifetime to build and a moment to destroy.

Isn’t it crazy how you can work on building something for years, and it can be quickly taken away from you in seconds? My dad taught me about integrity early on, back when I was little. He is a walking example of living a life of integrity, through his career and lifestyle. He is the reason why I vow to never lose integrity in anything I do.

27. God will give you a strength that the world cannot understand.

Building a relationship with God is so fun. My boyfriend and I talk about this all the time. We’re always in awe of God’s mighty hand and the miracles so many of us overlook every single day. This reminder also draws me to my running, and how running is where I keep building my relationship with God. It’s where He guides me and strengthens me from every training run to every race.

28. How others treat me is their path. How I react is mine.

In the grand scheme of things, this is so important and quite possibly my favorite reminder.