Defining What It Means To 'Be Better'

Apr 23

I've always wondered what it means to "be better."

So often, we hear things like “I’ll do better.”

“This can be done better.” “This needs to be better.” “Is there a better one?”

What does that even mean? How do you define it? Is it something we create in place of something we believe is not good enough?

This past weekend, I ran into some issues.

I had a big shoot for a project I’ve been working on. The day of the shoot, it was raining on and off. It was windy outside while shooting and my hair wasn’t cooperating. And then... while shooting outdoors, my camera battery died. The cherry on top.

I had to go home, charge my camera battery, fix my hair... and THEN go back out to shoot. Something that should've only taken 2-3 hours turned into a whole day shoot. I'm not saying this to complain about my hair looking bad and it's the end of the world if I don't look "good" for the shoot, I'm saying all of this to emphasize that I had spent more time on this than I had needed, and it affected my entire day.

Could I have done things a little differently? Sure. Maybe checked the camera battery the night before and charged it? Absolutely. Shot this on a different day when there was no chance of rain? Yeah.

Except I can only focus on what did happen. And that I spent almost a $100 on Ubers back and forth from my shoot location to my apartment to get this done. It required a LOT of patience for not just me, but also my photographer. Who I am insanely grateful for. Without him, none of this would’ve been possible. I was putting someone else’s schedule on hold, and that wasn’t okay with me either. I was getting frustrated. And stressed. And under pressure.

That’s when it hit me that I needed to take a step back. I’ve been going at full speed and as nice as that sounds to be a hustler, it was affecting my attitude to those around me.

And that is not okay with me. That’s when it crosses the line for me.

This instance was actually the final straw. It was simply one example of things I had been dealing with. I felt like I was becoming someone else in my own skin. Slipping away... slowly losing it. After attending the Easter service at Hillsong on Sunday, I realized I’ve felt even more distant from God. When did it get like this? How did I let this happen?

It was the wake up call that I needed.

Right now, I’m focusing on shifting perspectives on a lot of situations in my life right now. Less of “why is this happening” and more of “what is this teaching me.” I am challenging myself to “be better” in the sense that there is something to learn from something that hinders my path.

The pressure to BE BETTER has led me to a toxic-like mindset. I’ve noticed I’ve been more stressed than usual. More frustrated than usual. I’ve felt the need to rush things. Get it done. It’s okay if I’m unhappy. Just need to get it done, get through it. That kind of thing.

It’s affected how I’ve been acting to people closest to me. I’ve come across a LOT of people like that in this industry who are rude, selfish, and it's obvious they don't care about anyone but themselves. I no longer have respect for any of them. I constantly remind myself that how you respond and react to someone or a situation goes beyond the situation itself. To me, that builds character and the ability for me to trust someone.

It’s affected my sleep too. In these moments, I get frustrated that I’m not there already.

Defining what it means to be better is simply that.
Understanding and realizing what it is that hinders you from moving forward. And by doing that, sometimes you do need to hit pause and take a step back.

I want to be a better version of me. A better friend. A better daughter. A better sister.

I'm working on finding that again.